hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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