If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
