Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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