i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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