i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
