guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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