I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
