WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i now understand why vodka
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
