that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
