you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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