I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
