this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
