he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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