K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
id be glad to
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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