Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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