i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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