Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize