I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
