Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize