I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
