Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
