nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How external is "for external use only"?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
