Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
