I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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