No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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