There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
