If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
