I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
