There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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