I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
