You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize