If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
not ubering you a puppy
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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