I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
