I wannas sexs uuuuu
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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