Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
