Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize