I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
