he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
