How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
