Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
