Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
