Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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