Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
