Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
