"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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