My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
