apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
