It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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