you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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