my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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