bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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