I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
