Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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