Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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