Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
