gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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