OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
