Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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