Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
