stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
