we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
