i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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