My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
