just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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