Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize