Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
