Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
