Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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