Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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