This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
