I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My feet surprised me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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