I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
