I am in a vortex of obligation.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
